Guess where I've been. Guess! No. Don't even bother to guess because there is no way you'll get it right. I'll just tell you:
I was at bible camp. YES! Me! AT BIBLE CAMP.
More accurately I was at a bible camp, but it was bible camp-lite1. We were attending a camp/retreat hosted by the boys' distributed learning school. It was fun. There was hiking, swimming, canoeing, kayaking, rock climbing, and marshmallow roasting. There was archery, a scavenger hunt, a jungle swing, a ropes course, a zip line, a game of stealth tag in the dark, and the general mayhem that comes when children are left to run wild in the forest. My sons also participated in something called blobbing. This is my eldest:
Here's the best part of that photo: he had not yet reached the apex of his flight. He went higher than the 15 foot tall launch tower. Needless to say I have added blobbing to the list of banned activities for our family (Also on this list: watching Adventure Time With Finn and Jake, letting the dog kiss you on the mouth, riding your bike while wearing Crocs, getting a tattoo, voting for the Conservative Party of Canada).
Alas I could not participate in many of these activities because I was injured. Since I didn't let you guess where I'd been, I will now let you guess how I got hurt:
1. Shark attack.
2. I broke my arm while stealing an old lady's Vicodin prescription.
3. "Nothing makes the time at bible camp fly-by like a good ol' fashioned game of Smiting The Agnostic!"
4. Turns out chimpanzees do make bad pets. Who knew?
5. While putting a fitted sheet on my bunk bed, I snagged my big toe on the plywood and partially pulled the nail off the toe.
Correct answer: 5.
It's lame, I know. But it still really, really hurts. There was BLOOD, people. And pus. I was limping. I couldn't wear any of my shoes. I had to wear my Birkenstock sandals. WITH SOCKS! For three days. In the presence of TEENAGERS! There are no words to describe my suffering.
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1 The facility was charming, and run very professionally. Grace was recited before meals, but there was no proselytizing. As an aside, if you are uncomfortable with religion, you should avoid places with the term "Bible Camp" in their name. And if you do go, then you've got no right to be offended. Take off your hat, clasp your hands, listen to the devotion, say "Amen" and get over it.